Hidden secret
by SuicidalPony1234
Summary: Ponyboy has taken his parents deaths extremely hard. What happens when he is pushed over his limit and sees no reason to continue living?


**Hey guys! Here's a one shot I came up with! Well I tried typing this before and um, well let's just say it got deleted off my laptop when I tried to post it XD so hopefully that doesn't happen again. This is also my very first story so I hope you like it! Please review I'm desperate XD**

 **DISCLAIMER: Possible character deaths, suicidal actions, cutting**

 **and cussing.**

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OoOoOo

It's been a month since the Curtis parents died. Darry's been struggling too keep up with bills, Sodas been doing badly in school, and has been very down in the dumps. Pony took their parents death the hardest, but he didn't show it. He always smiled around his brothers to lighten up their moods on a bad day, and always talked to them. But little did they know, Pony was the one who needed help.

Pony has been cutting since the week after his parents had died. He made 3 cuts every time. One for his mom, one for his dad, and one for himself. He thought that cutting himself was the punishment he deserved. He believed he was the reason his parents were dead. He was the one who begged them to come home from their anniversary because he was sick. On the ride back, they got into the accident.

He also lost a lot of weight. He's been wearing long sleeved shirts and baggy clothes for a while, his brothers just thought it was a new style pony liked. But boy were they wrong…

OoOoOo

It was morning and Pony was sound asleep when all of a sudden he felt fingers on his stomach. He immediately woke up once he realized someone was tickling him. He squeeled as the person kept tickling and laughed like a maniac. "AHAHA-STOPPP!" He screamed.

Eventually the tickling stopped and he saw Soda standing above him, looking at him with his movie star smile.

"Morning little brother, it's about time you got up." Soda chuckled as he playfully punched pony on his shoulder.

"The gang and I decided we would go to the park and play some football for a little while. Wan' come?" Soda asked.

"I would soda but I'm just real tired today." He lied. He felt fine, he just didn't want to look suspicious wearing a jacket on a extremely hot day outside.

"Ok pones…." Soda said hesitantly. He walked to the living room where the gang was at and left out he door in a second.

Pony sighed and got up to go to the bathroom. Making sure he closed and locked the door, you can never be too careful. Staring at his reflection in the mirror, he thought of his mom and Dad standing next to him. Smiling, and kissing him on the forehead. Happy. Ponyboy missed them dearly. He didn't know how to cope with loosing people so important at his young age.

Pony opened the cabinet pulling out a razor, he cut deep into his wrists, letting the blood drip onto the floor. After he cut 3 deep, long cuts, he looked at himself in the mirror again. His parents weren't there, but a little boy was. The little boy looked back at ponyboy into his once dazzling green-grey eyes, and asked him a question. "Why are you doing this to me?" Pony was taken back by the little boy in the mirror, he looked away for a second down at his wrists. When he looked back at the little boy he was all beat up. " Why are you doing t-this to me?" The little boy said once again. Pony still thought he was hallucinating. He blinked real tight and looked in the mirror for a third time. This time he only saw his normal reflection staring back at him. Ponyboy sighed with relief that he was just seeing things.

Pony then took off his clothes and decided to take a shower. He stood there thinking for a little while thinking about his parents. "Why them." He thought. Silent tears started to trickle down his face. Not even bothering to wipe them away pony stood there staring at the wall, saying absolutely nothing.

OoOoOo

"Hey soda, w-where's Pony at?" Johnny asked quietly as they walked down to the park.

"He's at home. Said he was feelin' awful tired today."

"Didn't he fall asleep at around 7 yesterday though?" Two-bit asked pushing Steve a little from behind. "Yeah he did, but maybe it's just school getting' to 'im. He's probably fine." Soda replied chuckling at two-bit as he continued to push Steve.

" Yeah, man he's probs just readin' or something like he always does." Dally replies, ruffling Johnny's hair.

"Can we just stop talkin' about the kid. Cool he decided to stay home now let's just play some football." Steve said annoyed rolling his eyes.

After about 45 minutes, it got way too hot outside to stay there any longer.

"Alright guys le's get a move on before one of you get heat stroke." Darry said holding the football.

"You ain't gatta tell me twice." Steve said sprinting towards the house, soda close behind. As they entered the house they heard the shower running, didn't take much mind to it because they knew pony was probably getting ready. They sat in the living room listening to the radio, about 5 minutes later Darry, Dally, Johnny, and Two-bit showed up. They all plopped down onto the sofa and joined in to listening to Elvis on the radio. A few moments later the shower turned off and pony emerged from the bathroom with nothing on but a towel. He didn't seem to know the gang was there because he then put on some pants and started walking towards the living room shirtless with gauze rapped all over his arms.

Pony looked up suddenly and stopped dead in his tracks as he saw the gang staring at him. His ribs were poking out of his chest, his stomach sunken in and his arms thin as a stick.

"Ponyboy…." Darry began, sounding worried. "Have you been eattin' enough…" His eyes getting wide as he realized how skinny his brother really was.

Johnny stared at pony, eyes wide as can be and his mouth slightly hanging open. Dally, staring intently at pony, a slight bit of worry in his eyes, but you could only tell in you really knew him. Two-bit and Steve but their lip and stared at the kid up and down, realizing how sick he looked.

"Ponyboy! What on earth happened to you!" Soda yelled as he stood up and started walking towards pony.

"I-I, uh, I-" pony was interrupted by Dally. "Pony what the fuck happened to you?" He asked in a dangerously low voice. "You better tell us before I beat it out of you." Dally threatened, voice shaking with anger.

"I haven't had an appetite, not much else too say." Pony said sounding agitated. He then turned around about to go to his room when all ok a sudden, to everyones surprise, Johnny stopped him.

"Pony what happened to your arms…?" Johnny asked quietly.

Suddenly Pony's eyes became full of fear.

"I-I fell…." Pony mumbled under his breath. The gang didn't know why he would be so nervous if he just fell.

"Well, can we take a look at your arms to see the damage?" Darry asked pony in a soft voice.

"NO!" Pony yelled backing away slightly. He began to feel himself shake with fear. What would they do if they found out!? What if they send me to a hospital for crazy people, what if-. His thoughts were interrupted by someone lifting him up to the living room.

"What are you doing!?" He realized it was Darry who was carrying him. He couldn't fight back against him because he was extremely weak.

Darry put pony down on the couch, as the rest of the gang bundled across from him.

"Pony, why won't you show us your arms…" Soda asked, worry and suspicion was in his voice.

"Nothing, now can you all just leave me alone." Pony shot back with quite a bit of anger.

"Kid show us your arms right damn now or god so help me I will-"

"Dally dial it down. Something obviously wrong, give Pony a break." Johnny said angrily, in a tone nobody's ever heard before.

"Pony show us your arms, now." Darry said sternly.

"I said no now leave me the fuck alone you fucking asshole." Ponyboy said trying to kick Darry away from him.

"Watch your mouth kid. Don't treat Darry like that after all he's done for you, you still treat him like crap." Steve yelled in ponyboy's face.

"YOU KNOW WHAT STEVE!? I'M SICK AND TIRED OF YOU HOLLERIN' AT ME FOR EVERY DAMN THING NOW KINDLY PISS OFF." Ponyboy screamed, his face as red as can be. He started to stomp away when all of a sudden Steve grabbed his wrists and yanked off the bandages and gauze on his arm, and before Pony could say something the whole gang gasped and had horrified expressions on their faces.

"I-I, gatta go." Pony said taking his arm away from Steve running to his and sodas room locking the door behind him.

OoOoOo

Pony couldn't believe what had just happened and he knew that the gang probably hated him now. Hate. "Everyone hates me.". Why? Does it matter? Hate. "I hate myself." Pony then walked over to the drawer where he kept his switch blade. "Let's get this over with….."

OoOoOo

Everyone stared at pony's arm with pure shock. Pony then ran into his room slamming the door shut.

Steve was wide eyed and didn't move a muscle when pony yanked his arm out of Steve's grasp. Nobody knew what to say, or do. What was there to say? The youngest Curtis has been cutting himself and we didn't even notice.

Everyone stood silently for a long while, until they heard a heart wrenching scream coming from Ponyboy and soda's room. The gang ran into the room and the second they opened the door their hearts stopped.

There on the floor lied the youngest member of the gang, blade sticking out of his chest, eyes staring at the ceiling, blank, empty. His chest wasn't rising and no breath escape his lips.

"Ponyboy!" Soda screamed already sobbing. "PONYBOY NO DON'T… PLEASE WAKE UP!" Soda screamed, crying hysterically.

Darry sat down beside soda, silent tears streaming down his face as he checked for a pulse. There was a pulse, but it was extremely weak.

"Oh my god…." Dally said under his breath as he looked down at the kid. Dally only love 2 people in this world. Johnny and Ponyboy. Seeing pony in this state made Dally feel something he hasn't felt in years, Panic.

"Pony, oh god, oh god, ohgodohgod!" Johnny said as he began to Sob, silently falling to his knees. Pony was Johnny's best buddy and to see him dying in front of him was heart breaking.

Darry began doing CPR to at least try to get pony some oxygen in him. "Come on little buddy you can't do this to us now! We need you Pony, You can't do this pony!" Darry cried as he did compressions. He blew 2 big breaths into pony but nothing happened.

"SOMEONE GET THE PHONE AND CALL 911 NOW!" Darry yelled.

Steve then burst out the room and to the phone, dialing 911 as fast as he could.

Two-bit stood there stunned at what was happening, eyes glazed over with tears. He didn't know how to react to the situation, ponyboy tried to kill himself, and at the moment, his plan is gong fairly well. Two-bit couldn't make any jokes to lighten the mood, he couldn't playfully hit anyone upside the head to make things all better. Ponyboy, a 13 year old kid lay there, on the floor unmoving and drifting away, fast. Twobit couldn't bare to watch, so he left the room, into the kitchen to grab a beer

"Omg Darry!" Soda cried, " He doesn't have a pulse!" Sodas sobs racking his whole body harshly.

"SHIT!" Darry said as he kept doing CPR.

Johnny also began to sob harder, Dally pulled Johnny into a hug and tried to comfort Johnny to the best of his abilities. Johnny seemed to calm down a little bit but the fact that his best friend just basically died in front of him was way to much too handle.

"Please don't take the kid…" Dally said in his head as he watched Darry do compressions on the unmoving body beneath him.

"STEVE, ARE THEY ALMOST HERE!?" Darry screamed.

Next thing they new they heard ambulance sirens blaring outside their house, the door was snapped open and 3 health professionals rushed into pony's room, soon running him outside onto the ambulance.

"ONE OF YALL CAN COME!" One of the men yelled. Without hesitation soda ran out the house and into the ambulance. The ambulance was gone within seconds and the house was silent, leaving only Johnny's sobs to be audible.

"C'mon guys, we gatta go to the hospital now…" Dally said in an unusually calm voice. "I'll drive if you want me too…"

"M'kay. Let's go guys." Darry replied in a low, sad voice.

Dally has to practically carry Johnny to the car. He was still bawlin' his eyes out and didn't want to go to the hospital just to get news that Ponyboy died.

"Johnny once we get to the hospital, ya-ya gatta move man. You can't just sit around cryin' until pony gets better." Dally said

"Well how do you know he'll get better Dally?! What if he doesn't and dies? WHAT IF HE ALREADY DIED IN THE AMBULANCE DALLAS? If he dies I don't know what I'll do. If pony dies he's taking a piece of me with him. I owe him everything and I couldn't stand it Dally, I just couldn't stand it!" Johnny said as he buried his face into his palms.

"It'll be alright Johnnycakes." Twobit said putting a hand on Johnny's shoulder and giving it a little squeeze for reassurance.

"He's tuff, he'll pull threw."

OoOoOo

Once soda hopped into the ambulance he grabbed pony's hand. It remained limp as he pulled it up to his lips to kiss it. The EMT's started hooking up pony to a bunch of machines and out in an IV right as the doors closed.

"Did you see what happened to him?" One of the EMT's asked as they put a breathing mask onto pony's face.

"No, all we knew was that he was upset and ran into his room. Nobody suspected anything was happprning unti-"

Soda was interrupted by the heart monitor starting to speed up drastically.

"STEADY 'IM!"

"GET THIS HEART RATE DOWN NOW!"

A few moments later he became to flat line.

"WE'RE LOOSIN' 'IM. GET THE AED NOW."

Then pony flat lined and went completely limp, still holding sodas hand.

"1…2…3!"

Pony's body jumped up, but he still didn't wake up.

The continued doing this for a long time.

Soda near hysterics, one his baby brother died holding his hand.

"1…2…3!"

Soda cried out as they tried to kick start his heart back up but nothing happened. "C'mon baby, please pull through…" soda whispered into pony's ear.

"WE GOT SOMETHING!"

Once they pulled up to the hospital they burst through the doors and ran down the hallways for examination. They told soda he couldn't go further past the two big white doors. So soda went to the waiting room and looked down at his feet, silently sobbing. His sobs shaking his body like an earthquake.

"Oh my poor baby…" He thought to himself.

A few minutes later, the rest of the gang burst through the door and sat down by soda.

"So, what'd they say?" Darry asked rubbing sodas back.

"They said nothing Darry-y….." Soda's voice then began to tremble," He, d-died I-in the am-ambulance Darry! He died for 5 whole minutes!" Soda sobbed. Everyone was dead silent. Johnny covered his mouth to prevent himself from sobbing out loud. Dally's eyes filled with anger and sorrow. Steve, surprisingly Shed a tear. Even though he acted like he hated Pony, he really did love him like a little brother. He was just jealous. Twobit had a serious look and stared at the wall, a few tears escaping his eyes. Darry tried to stay strong for everyone, but even Superman has a breaking point, and he sobbing hard into his palms.

Hours felt like days in the hospital. They were all smoking a hell of a ton of cancer sticks to get their minds off of pony.

"Darry…" Sodapop finally spoke," Pony wouldn't really want to commit suicide, would he…?"

"I know little buddy, I'm just as shocked as you are…" Darry replied softly allowing sodas head to rest on his shoulder.

A few minutes later a doctor came in threw the doors.

"Family of Ponyboy Curtis?"

All of the boys stood up. "I'm Darrel Ponyboy's oldest brother and legal guardian. That's Sodapop his other brother and those are our cousins." Darry explained

"Ok, all of you follow me to my office. I have some news on Ponyboy's condition."

They all stepped into his office and took a seat.

"So, is he going to survive….?" Soda asked desperately wanting an answer.

"Yes, he will survive. That is the good news." Everyone took a big sigh of relief. "But the bad news is that the blade punctured one of his lungs. We had to do surgery on that, he also suffers from extreme blood loss and a concussion. Ponyboy is very malnourished And we put in a feeding tube to help get him some nutrients." The doctor stated. The room once again was dead silent.

"Also, the cuts on his arms, we had to stitch some of those up. Nothing to serious though."

"Uh, sir? Can we go see him?" Johnny asked quietly looking down at his hands.

"Ah, yes. Please, follow me. "

The gang stood up and followed the man to the pediatric part of the hospital. It reminded all of them that pony was still just a kid. They stopped in front of room 451, which was apparently his.

"Oh yes, I almost forgot.(A/N: hehe Mickey Mouse says that. Love ya Twobit) He has restraints on his wrists on the bed just in case he tries to pull out any of the IV's from himself, and just to prevent harm to himself and others."

The doctor then walked away to give the boy some privacy as they went to see Ponyboy. Darry took a deep breathe and slowly opened the door to ponyboys room.

Once they all walked into the room they saw him. He was as white as the sheets he was on. That made the cuts on his arms really stand out which was heart breaking to see. There were so many tubes in him that it seemed like he couldn't to anything himself, like a baby. Which he was, the baby of the gang. He looked so small in that bed, he looked about 10 or 11.

Soda began to walk towards pony, resting his hand on pony's hair stroking it back. "Oh pone, honey why'd ya do that… we love you and we need you alive. Please Pone…" soda whispered as tears fell from his eyes. Darry then approached ponyboy also, taking his limp hand and holding it tight.

"C'mon little buddy, open your beautiful green eyes for us." He said softly.

Pony's eyes opened a little bit showing off his sparkling green eyes.

"That's it Pony, keep opening them. You can do it." Darry whispered in Pony's ear.

Pony's eyes then opened all the way, which was telling them he was ok. "S-soda….? Dar-Darry?" He asked. His voice quiet and breathless.

"Shhhhhhh, don't talk little buddy, you'll make yourself sick." Darry replied.

Ponyboy then realized where he was, the hospital. Pony then saw the restraints on his wrists and the IV's in his arms and began to freak out. He yanked at the restraints with all of the strength he had, and started crying out loud as he realized it wouldn't work

"Ponyboy! You need to calm down!" Johnny said as he approached pony's bed.

After a few moments he began to calm down and asked," Why do I have needles in my arms, and why do I have on restraints?" Ponyboy asked quietly as tears kept streaming down his face.

"I don't like needles." He cried. The gang forgot about that fear of needles.

"Well honey, you have restraints so you don't hurt yourself or anyone else while y-you're here…" soda said as he continued to stroke pony's hair.

"The IV's are there to give you medicine and nutrients."

Ponyboy then realized what had happened. "I'm so sorry you guys. I just didn't know what to do without Mom and Dad here and I-I…" pony was interrupted by Darry.

"Shhhhh, it's of Pony. We understand. But right now we just want you to get better. Get some rest pone, we'll be right here when you wake up."

"Ok Darry…" pony replied. Moments later he was out like a light.

" You guys stayin' here?" Soda asked the gang.

"No. We're just ganna leave the kid alone." Dally said sarcastically as he rolled his eyes.

Eventually the rest of the gang fell asleep in the hospital right next to pony.

OoOoOo

Two weeks later, Ponyboy got out of the hospital and was free to do what he wanted. He was happy to get out of that boring hospital and play outside again with his friends, without a care I'm the world. He did have to get a therapist though, he wasn't too happy about that.

The therapist told the brothers to do self harming checks everyday, and to make sure that Pony was kept busy to keep his mind active and away from the thoughts he had. The therapist was there mainly to help pony empty his emotions and to make sure he didn't relapse.

Pony did slip up once though. He wanted to cut himself a slice of cake, felt the urge to bring it to his wrists. He did cut and he felt much better after he did, but also felt ashamed. His brothers made extra precautions after this slip up and replaced the forks and knifes with plastic ones.

Over time Pony did get better. He didn't mind the therapy as much anymore. He wasn't fully recovered, but the speed of the recovery was amazing.

Pony was sitting in the living reading a book a book when all of a sudden the whole gang came into the house with a present in their hands. It was quite big actually.

"What's that?" Ponyboy asked. The gang just smiled in response.

Then Johnny brought over the present, and set it down on pony's lap.

"Uh, what's this for…?" Pomy said blushing.

"It's for you dip shit now open it up." Steve said with a playful smirk on his face. Reluctantly, Pony opened up the gift and gasped. It was full of all the books he's wanted to get. There must have been at least 20 books in there, maybe more.

"Guys, I can't accept this! It's way too expensive! Why would you spend this much money on books for me?" Pomy asked pushing the gift away.

"Oh my gosh, you're accepting the damn gift Ponyboy. And at least there's still someone here to buy them for." Dallas said to pony.

Pony smiled and nodded. "Thanks guys!" He said smiling a million dollar smile.

It didn't matter how much the present costed, what matters was that Pony was alive and well, and happy. They all felt that it was worth spending all the money to see pony smile again. They've never seen him so happy in his life.

"We love ya pones." Soda said with a smile on his face.

"I love you guys too." Ponyboy said to the whole gang, which made them all smile.

THE END

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Really hope you guys enjoyed! Please review! Hope you guys have a great day!


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